• Celebrations.


    I’m so not going to be popular for this. Trust me, I already know. But it’s my opinion and it’s my blog, so deal with it.

    I’m not at all bothered by the rules against celebration in the NFL. I don’t think they’re out of line or too strict. More than that? They’re the rules and everyone knows them. Even if you think they’re stupid (I’m looking at you, Jerry Jones), they’re still the rules.

    I think speed limits are stupid, but I still get in trouble when I drive too fast.

    Here’s why I think celebration rules are a-okay:

    • The game already takes long enough. I don’t need to sit through your ego stroking bullshit.
    • They’re only there because the players themselves couldn’t be counted on to control themselves and things got out of hand. Ickey Shuffle anyone?
    • They incite ego and hard feelings (and possibly violence) in an already emotionally charged, physical game. Need I remind you of TO and the Dallas Cowboys’ star?
    • In every other sport, players seem to make it through without celebrating every little thing on the field/court/pool/whatever. I can’t even imagine what it would be like if the pitcher felt the need to do a choreographed dance every time he struck someone out in a baseball game.
    • It’s a team sport. You may be the one who scored the touchdown, but you didn’t do it all by yourself. Don’t be an asshole.

    Okay, that’s probably enough for now.

    The rules just aren’t that strict. You still have plenty of ways to act like a cocky assclown.

    The rules are not that complicated. I understand them, and I don’t play football. Surely if you can understand the rest of the rules, you can understand this one (Donovan McNabb’s misunderstanding of OT, notwithstanding). The league shouldn’t have to cater to you because you’re an idiot. Or because you’re too lazy to read the rules.

    Pathetically, the punishment had to be changed, because getting fined thousands of dollars wasn’t enough of a deterrent for certain players (certainly an indication that we pay these men too much money). I’m looking at you, OchoCinco. Now, because players still can’t be counted on to act in a decent fashion, the entire team has to be punished for their antics. The 15-yard penalty your team receives has been quite effective in curtailing celebrations.

    Unless, of course, you’re the Dallas Cowboys.

    Do I agree that it SUCKS that Columbo was punished for falling down during a celebration in the endzone (in the game against the Tennessee Titans in week 5)? Yes. But those are the rules and they must be enforced. Allowing that to slide just means that next week someone else will “accidentally” take a nap in the endzone or “accidentally” end up with silly string in his pants. Those are the rules, follow them. If you can’t stay on your feet (which, by the way, is part of your JOB), maybe you should cut out the chest bump.

    Do I think that Jerry Jones is right when he says that the rules should be changed because the 15-yard penalties against his team affected the outcome of the game? Fuck no.

    • One, celebration penalties are completely avoidable. They weren’t accidentally celebrating. They purposefully engaged in an activity that had the potential to cause their team a penalty. That’s really no different from grabbing someone’s facemask, only that actually could happen on accident.
    • Two, everyone knows the rules before the game starts. The team wasn’t penalized for breaking an unknown rule.
    • Three, if your team were any good, 15-yards probably shouldn’t make that much of a difference

    I know it’s a game in which every yard counts, but maybe when your team sucks as much as the Cowboys do right now, they should spend a little less time celebrating and a little more time playing football. The most pathetic part of all this? The Cowboys have more celebration penalties than WINS. What are you guys celebrating, exactly?

    If Chad OchoCinco and TO can control themselves? We should surely be able to count on Miles Austin to do the same (in their loss against the Vikings in week 6). Right?

  • What I think of Wade Phillips…and Jerry Jones.


    As usual, in Dallas, cries of “OFF WITH HIS HEAD” can be heard from the rafters. Everyone wants Wade Phillips to join the unemployment line, because the Cowboys are now 1-4. Standard procedure after every game the Cowboys have lost for the last three years.

    Blah blah blah.

    While I’ll admit, starting out 1-4 is…bad, to say the least, it’s not the end of the world. Last season, the Titans started 0-6. Yeah, that’s right 0-6 (we finished 8-8, which is damn respectable considering). And I wasn’t calling for them to fire Jeff Fisher. I did see a few stray comments here and there about it, but not many. Granted, I no longer live in Tennessee, so I can’t say for sure, but we have faith in our coach and we have faith in our team.

    Not so in Dallas, Texas. Every mistake means someone should get fired, and no one even really considers that the head coach of the Dallas Cowboys is always operating with a HUGE handicap. That handicap’s name is Jerry Jones.

    Maybe we should be calling for his head? He’s the one who brings in players with shitty attitudes. Not the head coach. No one was more shocked than this girl that Randy Moss didn’t end up at Jerry World. Randy Moss is the shining star of Jerry Jones’s “type.” Talented with a bad attitude and diva tendencies. A player who doesn’t care about his team. Sound familiar? T.O. anyone? I even wonder about Roy Williams.

    And yet, here we are in Dallas, with a pretty mellow head coach and a pretty mellow quarterback. Both of whom are just trying to do their jobs with the hand they were dealt. Romo gets the shit beat out of him, no matter what he does. Wade gets the shit beat out of him and worse no matter what he does.

    Realistically, Wade Phillips just isn’t a great fit for Dallas Cowboys’ head coach, for several reasons. He doesn’t seem to be able to instill any discipline in the team. I can’t tell if they even have any respect for him. And how could they? With their fans constantly bashing him and saying he’s stupid and can’t get the job done…I wouldn’t respect him either.

    He’s not the kind of man who can stand up to Jerry Jones. Which is just what Jerry wants, of course. His ego knows no limits. But what the TEAM needs is someone who can be the voice of reason that cuts through Jerry’s bullshit. You know, or a general manager. Whatever.

    He’s too laid back. I think he’s a man who loves football, but he’s also a man who realizes that football? It’s not everything. It’s not life and every once in a while, you’re going to lose. Or you’re going to suck. And that’s okay. Cowboys fans? Not cool with that. Every game must end in a win, because they are always the team to beat. No matter the record, no matter the team, no matter…well, anything, really. They are the Cowboys. They must win.

    For a team who has only won one playoff game in, what is it now? Fourteen years? There’s an awful lot of talk. There’s an awful lot of “oh, they just want to beat the Cowboys, that would make them.” Uh, hate to tell you this guys, but everyone is beating you right now.

    Even better? “The Cowboys lost to an inferior team” in the Tennessee Titans (and the Washington Redskins and the Chicago Bears…you can see a pattern here, right?). Well, guys, if we’re going purely on records, the Tennessee Titans are a better team. I didn’t get to see the whole game, but I did see that the Cowboys certainly went out of their way to help the Titans win. And I can easily admit that this is not a great season for the Titans so far. But calling someone who beat you an inferior team is just being shitty loser.

    So while yes, I do think it’s probably time to bring someone other than Wade Phillips in, I don’t think it’s because he’s incapable or a bad head coach. I just think this is a poor fit. (Secretly, I feel the same way about Tony Romo.) I wonder though, does anyone still WANT to coach for the Dallas Cowboys? Does anyone really WANT to juggle all the ego and the bullshit and the fans? Why would you want to come coach here instead of somewhere else? Cold, hard cash. That’s right, Jerry, pony up the cash. And offer it to John Gruden, would you? I like that guy and if he can deal with Al Davis, he can deal with you.

    It’s sad to me that Cowboys fans are so quick to turn on their players and their coaching staff. If you don’t have any faith in your team, how can they really want to play for you?

  • College football, agents, and…the devil.


    No, I’m kidding. I won’t be talking about the devil. Unless you consider agents devilish, which in some ways I do.

    For a long time, I was completely against college football. This was mostly due to my experience in college with college football players. Most of whom are less than smart, lazy and disruptive in class, and get away with murder simply because they play football. As a person who was in college to get an EDUCATION, I was understandably frustrated at having to deal with these assholes in my classes.

    Obviously, not all college football players are stupid. Nor are all of them lazy and disruptive in class. But my experience was that the majority of them were those things. Plus, the only full tuition + room and board scholarships my college offered were to athletes, predominantly those who played football. As an academic, you could receive a full tuition scholarship, but you were on your own for room and board.

    I should mention here that my university? SUCKS AT FOOTBALL. Or at least, they did while I was there, and had for about 20 years prior to my attendance. And why, you ask, did they suck so much at football? Oh, that would be because they CHEATED and were awarded the harshest punishment pretty much in the history of college football.

    The cheating? Paying the players. There have been scandals and scandals about paying college football players. The worst of it is when the agents sneak payments (in any form) to college football players, in order to secure a debt to them in the future.

    In my opinion, this is complete bullshit. It’s taking advantage of kids who are barely old enough to vote, some of whom are incredibly poor.

    And who gets punished? The kids.

    If you’re in college and it’s been your dream to play football because your family has nothing and you see it as a way to make something of yourself and provide for your family, do you think it’s really acceptable for some manipulative agent to dangle a car in front of your face? And then you’re expected to turn it down. If you don’t? The consequences are serious.

    But not for the agent, who knowingly engaged you in questionable activity.

    I was always against college players receiving pay for playing sports. Until I talked to my Aunt Dana, who played basketball in college. She said that when you’re a college athlete, you’re expected to practice at least several hours everyday. There’s no time for you to have a job. You’re up early, you have class, you (theoretically) have to study, then you go to practice. In what time are you supposed to work, too?

    She makes a good point.

    Especially if you come from a family who has little. Yes, you’re probably at school on scholarship, so your room and board and meals are paid for, but what about spending money? What about your car (if you have one) or sending money home to your family?

    College football players make tons of money for their universities. Probably more than most other sports, depending on the university. Of course, I don’t like it when they use this as an excuse to cut women’s sports funding, but facts are facts.

    Why not pay them?

    No, I’m not suggesting we open up the chasm and allow agents and NFL teams to pay them. But why not pay them SOMETHING? Why not, as part of their tuition, give them a monthly stipend for spending money, across the board? Schools are raising tuition for all kinds of other reasons, this would probably be only a drop in that bucket, if it needed to be done at all.

    And not just football players. All college athletes.

    Moreover, let’s start punishing the agents who try to manipulate our college players. If you offer a college kid money to play? You can’t do any NFL scouting for a year. Something like that?

    The problem, of course, lies in catching them in the act. It’s hard to prove, and usually it’s only the players who get caught and punished. Grossly unfair, in my opinion.

    There must be a solution, though. I say we find one.

  • At first, I just wanted to say, “WTF, Patriots?”


    But now I think my suspicions are confirmed.

    When I first heard the news of the Randy Moss trade, I was puzzled. PUZZLED. Randy Moss? And you traded him to the Vikings?

    Hang on, let me correct something. Rather than being puzzled first, I was pissed. An easy thing to do, since I hate the Patriots and Bill Belichick. This time, though, I was pissed at them for giving Brett Favre an awesome receiver in Randy Moss. Man, would I like to see that asshat go down in flames.

    You stayed too long at the party, Favre.

    Then…I remembered that Randy Moss used to wear that Raiders jersey. And, as such, was a complete thug pain in the ass diva. My suspicion was that there must have been some off the field shenanigans, and according to this article, it sounds like I was right.

    I’m going to skip over the ridiculous need to bring the “crazy girl” analogy into this discussion, because seriously…how pathetic. (I’m a feminist, give me a break…that was completely unnecessary.)

    At the end of the day, Randy Moss was Randy Moss, which is all anyone could have expected anyway. If his need to win and be the super star isn’t fulfilled, he’s going to be bucking against the confines of his uniform. Beware, Vikings…now you have TWO of them.

  • Please don’t kill baseball.


    With bad calls left and right early in the 2010 post season baseball games, the call is louder than ever for the sport to take on more instant replay.

    To this I say, “Please don’t kill baseball.”

    I suppose I could be persuaded that instant replay would be acceptable in some scenarios (there aren’t many, and even the ones I think are acceptable, I don’t think are necessary). I just think that if we let it in any more, it will take over the game. These are my reasons why:

    • Baseball has been around, in its current form, for over a century. We seem to be doing okay, right?
    • The game already takes over three hours (usually), do we really need to make it LONGER? And this is coming from someone who loves baseball. Sometimes you just have things to do.
    • Unlike football, every single meeting of teams is a SERIES. You have three or more chances to get it right and it’s hard to blame more than one loss on bad calls for just one team.
    • As above, there are ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-TWO games already. I feel like any poor calls against one team will likely be sorted out in subsequent games.
    • Umpires are hired to do a job. Let’s trust them to do it. They’re going to make mistakes; they are human after all. That’s all part of the game. In my opinion, the great human element in baseball is what gives it its charm. It’s what keeps us coming back, even through the scandals.

    I’m sure I have more reasons, but those are the ones on my mind right now.

    If I had my way? There probably wouldn’t be instant replay at all. Yes, I know, we have technology now that we didn’t have back in the day and we should use it to make sure the games are as close to perfect as possible. Guess what: Instant replay doesn’t take care of all bad calls. Just ask the 2008 San Diego Chargers who lost a game on a bad call by Ed Hochuli, which even instant replay couldn’t overturn (because he called the play dead too early). These things happen. We’re talking about sports.

    Instant replay isn’t going to fix everything. So I’ll thank you to keep it out of my baseball games.